Some People Still Write...

Hi Folks,

I apologize if I haven't added a whole lot of content to this site recently.

The reality is that everyone one of us has only so much time to spend on things like this. Personally, I like the fact that people enjoy the site. It is worth the expense of keeping it open. Unfortunately, some people write to me. This has become annoying. It is especially bothersome when they:

  • Ask a question which is answered on the site.
  • Tell me to write back right away (I check the e-mail a couple of times a month).
  • Insult me (typically questioning my moral character or something).
  • Ask me to send them an e-mail copy of the site.
  • Inform me that they know more than I do.

After 3 years of this, I have decided to start posting their letters accompanied by my smarmy remarks. I will leave out the e-mail addresses so that everyone is safe. Here are some recent ones (I'll put the e-mails in an appropriately queer font to make the writers look stupid).

don't think me rude, but while looking through your site i thought of another
4 way position that may.....

Too late, I thought you rude.

HI this is courtney from jamaica i was told that there were special exercises to increase the size of one penis as well as exercises to keep special bones fit for sex, i
would also like to know the different positions for lovemaking. Please help as this is vital to my state of mind.
your sincerely
Courtney

Courtney (pant...pant...). I swear (huff...puff....) I don't know of (pant...) any exercises (ooo ahhh) that increase penis size (uuuuuuggggghhhhh). I have no idea what you are talking about.

Do you have anything about female breast??

I have a fascination with them. Thanks for the open-ended question. I hope you didn't expect a long reply.

Hello:

I need know if you could send free the Sex Position Book.

Regards,

> José A. Durán C. - SOS/351

Jose, here is the answer you so desperately needed to know.....Nope.

 

Hey,
Well, I read that u guys still don't have names for your manikins. And I
have a suggestion. How about Ping and Snatch? Thanx, guys!

Y.C.

Y.C. Thanks for the suggestion. Please get back to making those license plates.

 

great site, great refresher, new animation... are they morphing? it will be great for the up and coming generation raised on robots that change into monsters and back (transformers?) :) sounds like me around the 4th week ;) keep up the good work!

What the hell is this dude talking about. 4th week of what? I don't think I want to know.

I think I am in love with the mind that created that website.

I always wondered what to do with my little wooden friends from art classes.
I tried talking to them, but they were real blockheads...

You have my appreciation for a job well done.

Brava!

P.S. I hope you are married... women love a man that loves variety!

~Kat

Kat, you are the reason I bother to read these e-mails.

hello-
my boyfriend and I have been dting for a year now, and we want to move to the next level. Giving head. I have no experince so I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to do it without making it bad. thanks so much if you could, please write back soon!

I hope you are below the age of 18 because if you are over 18 and some guy dated you for more than a year without a little sumthin.... Anyway, I have concluded you are under age, so I am definitely not replying.

IS THERE BY CHANCE THAT U HAVE ANY SEX POSITIONS FOR THE SAME SEX PARTNERS.
(FEMALE TO FEMALE).
THANK YOU

Actually you can check out GaySexualPositions.com. I made it, but I'm not a very good lesbian (having a penis hurts my ability to play the part).

I have trouble maintaining an erection, Do you have any advice for me to try???

Of all the people in the world to write to you sent this question to me. Seriously, It is time for a Doctor visit.

Hi, I cannot seem to find any site for kama Sutra for
Gay Men...

Is there such a method ?

Please answer soon

See the above letter I wrote to two very sexy lesbians.

Dress the doll like Marilyn Monroe and stand her over a fan (Best at
bowling alley on the ball return air vent).

Yeah....Wait by your computer....I'll e-mail when I post THAT gem.

We are a group of young girls and we would like to know if straight pubic hair exists?

You are an FBI agent trying to fuck with me. Please go away. (some Asian women have straighter pubic hair).

The Venus Butteryfly position is an actual sexual position. However, it is an ORAL sex act.. and not so much a position as a
technique.. I'd be happy to explain it to you in detail if you really want to know what it's all about... *chuckle* It is a good
one, I'll admit this much. Thanks for your time..

Lindsay

This is probably the most common e-mail I receive (though usually not so suggestive). The venus butterfly is also a MANUAL sexual technique and a vibrator. The name is used for just about everything. Thanks for saying Thanks Lindsay.

I am a health educator at a University. One of my many functions is to
work with a peer education group who focus on sexuality education. We recently have come across the question "What is the L-Position?". I am not sure exactly which position is considered the L-position, and do not want to give out misinformation. Do you think you could shed some light on this mystery. Thanks Dani

See the spooning section....

Okay dude you seem to know a lot about sex right? I mean you have a whole
damn site about it. I am 15 and I am going to get some most definatley friday
the 23. You know I am a little worried what type of postions do you think I
should use? I mean I am so outgoing. Iwe might even have a 3 some...(2 girls)
BTW nice comments on the 2 guys 3 ways lol. Anyway I am not afraid of doing
anything you know I am plan on giving oral but can you just recomend some
stuff that you hace had good experience with? Thanx dude Hope to hear from
ya! I will give ya a follow up e-mail. and nice site it is really helpfull
exept...that daisy chain stuff looks crazy! okay hope to hear from ya!

Here is how a young man can have sex for the first time. Get arrested. You'll have some great anal sex in your cell. One problem, you won't get to choose the position, your new roomate will.

Will it hurt you if you swallow the cum or any other liquid that come out of my boyfriends penis???

Other Liquid? I would think urine would taste pretty bad. Any thing besides those two and you had better find another boyfriend.

We at work heard this expressions and found the graphics and explanation on
your web site. However, we still have not figured out why it is named
Three-eyed turtle. Can you please explain. Thanks for your help!

I have no idea. You are very welcome.

Maybe I just missed it but I didn;t see this position and this is my favorite. It is like spooning, but instead of having my
back to him, we are front to front. We lie down on our side, and he slips on top of my bottom leg. My other leg is on top of
him. SO both of his legs are between my legs, but we are lying on the side, facing each other. He can reach behind me and grab
my shoulders for extra control if he wants. This is my favorite way...intimate and romantic and also feels good and he has
enough control to do it hard and fast and penetrate!

What type of person sends someone like me an e-mail like this? I mean, they actually sent me their e-mail address and signed this note. Sick.

I heard that in this position, whatever it is, that the women can actually
enlarge the man's penis by an inch or two? Not that I'm complaining, but it
is supposedly also great for extending the man's endurance, if you know what
I mean. I saw the "Venus Butterfly" on your web page but I don't think they
are the same. Sounds pretty interesting. Can you help?

That's a good one. I think someone is doing some wishful thinking...

After reviewing your different positions I noticed you were missing a position. This position has the woman with her shoulders on the floor with her back against the couch. Her legs extend
to the floor next to her head. The mans position is to bend or squat over the woman facing the couch. This position allows the woman to manually stimulate herself and also her partners
balls, anus, etc. It takes a little flexibility on the woman's part,but if she does yoga it will be no problem.

Those Yoga folks have all of the fun, huh?

What's 34.5? That's 69 on your birthday.

Most of the 69 jokes I get now are lame. This one was pretty good.

Hey, found your site interesting, funny, and surprisingly it even made me horny!
Probably cuz I haven't gotten any in a while... there's a neat position I
didn't notice on your site that you might want to try sometime (use the white
and cherry colored manequins though cuz the black one is very very hard to see
and tell what he is doing)....

He's standing and has her from behind, with his hands wrapped around her pelvis
to hold her. She's bent forward with her feet in the air behind him and her
head down and her hands on the floor to hold herself up. He would have the
control, of course... but if he bends his pelvis, it can be quite stimulating to
her.

Sharon

Sharon and I became pen-pals. At first I didn't tell my wife about it. I was actually considering adultery, but then I found out that Sharon is actually a guy named Mitch from Minnesota that weighs 240 lbs is 5'8" tall, plays Dungeons and Dragons and watches a lot of porn. Whew! that was close...

My girlfriend and I enjoy a position that I don't see anywhere on your site,
so I think you should add it.

She lies on her side with her lower leg straight and her upper leg bent up
toward her body. I kneel and then sit on her lower leg. As I enter, I lift
her upper leg to go over top of mine. Often I'll put my free hand on her
shoulder to get in deep. It feels great for both of us.

John goes on to say that this one time his toe accidently released his "girlfriend's" air valve and the fun immediately ended.

As you probably know, you can find tens of thousands of sexuality sites on the Internet, but very few that are interesting, informative and entertaining. You'll be
happy to know that we consider your site to be all three!

My name is Dr. P. Sandor Gardos and I am About.com's Sexuality Guide.

Best wishes,

Sandor Gardos
Sexuality Guide

Tamar Love
Associate Guide

Great, where's my freakin trophy? Money?

Yeah, just what I thought...Nuthin.

Peace, Love, and Bubble Gum....Look for more of this line of bull in the future.


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